Our Crazy September

I'm not a good blogger, but here is my review of our completely crazy September.

The month began with lots and lots of work for me. I ended my training in August and began the month completely on my own as a nurse for the first time. I've learned that school didn't really teach me much of what I needed to know. A lot of my job is common sense, personal judgement, and learning to work well with other people, but I love it. It is so rewarding, and even though I get off quite late some nights, it is wonderful and I don't begrudge going to work. The month did begin though with a streak of 6 days in a row, which was challenging, made more challenging by the fact that we bought a new car during those 6 days.

We knew when we left school that one of our first large purchases was going to have to be a car. Well, we didn't even make it as long as we were hoping because our other car became unreliable to get Jeremy long distances for work. So we are happy to announce we bought a 2007 white Toyota Corolla from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. The church sells their used mission cars when they get near 50,000 miles. We are happy to say that we love our car. It works wonderfully for us and has turned out to be an even better car than we thought at first. Let's just say that it was a pleasant surprise when we found out our car had a 6 CD changer instead of just one.

Buying the car was pretty rushed due to the fact that we were going to Blanding the following Sunday and knew our car would not get us there. We were going to Blanding for Jeremy to work. It was a nice break from work, but getting the flu early in the morning on the day we were supposed to come home was not really how I wanted to spend my break off of work. So we stayed an extra day. I spent the next weekend working and preparing to leave for Vegas on Wednesday.

Wednesday was Jeremy's 27th birthday. Happy Birthday Honey!! We spent the morning rushing to the airport to go to Vegas for Jeremy's work conference. We spent Jeremy's birthday in dirty, slutty Vegas. We walked down the strip on the day we arrived and emotionally and physically it was a very difficult simple task. I do have to give a huge I LOVE YOU to my wonderful husband who walked around all of Vegas without focusing his eyes on anything. Anyways, it was a nice break for me, but we will probably not option to go to Vegas (the strip) out of our own free will.

We returned from Vegas on Friday and moved to our new apartment on Saturday. We were totally not ready to move and we are lucky that we were even able to do it. (Thank you Jeremy for not losing your cool and fixing all of my mistakes.) So we are nowing living in Clearfield in an apartment that is 1350 square feet. We have 3 bedrooms 2 bathrooms, a kitchen with a dishwasher, disposal, and counterspace, and just simply room to move. It was a rush move since I also worked that evening. It has taken us a while to just make our apartment livable since I work full time at nights and Jeremy is always busy. Now none of this has been made easier by the fact that my left shoulder has been hurting me all month. It began as a slight ache while at work, it has now progressed to a debilitating pain that has prevented me from sleeping on my left side for the last several weeks (and that is very difficult when I usually sleep on my left side), needless to say I have not slept well for the past month. Enough about my woes.

Well, that about covers the high points (and low points) of our September. Hopefully now that we have internet at our new apartment I'll do better about posting.

Progress

I know I haven't posted in a while, but does the fact that I meant to give me any extra points? Anyways, I'm happy to announce that Jeremy and I are making progress! It seems like it has taken a long time, but I finally have a job. I just finished my orientation at Thatcherbrook Rehabilitation in Clearfield. It is a short term rehab facility that focuses on patients that need physical therapy to gain back strength. There are a lot of hip and knee repairs, but also people with simple weakness or falls. Today is my first day on my own and I'm nervous, pray that everything goes well for me. I knew while I was in nursing school that they couldn't teach me everything, but I'm now I'm in a situation that I need to know everything...and I don't. I'm learning a lot everyday though, and I know in time I will be an excellent nurse.
I must admit though, it is very surreal though to have a career. It is a weird thought that this is what I have chosen to do for the rest of my life. It hasn't quite hit yet that I never have to go back to school, but it is nice that my free time is just free time.
Well, I think that is about all I have to say for now, I feel like this post was very disorganized and for that I'm sorry, but at least I posted.

Reunion Pictures

I had a family reunion over the 24th of July. It was amazing, but I just can't put my thoughts into good words, so here are just pictures that I'm going to give brief summaries on. I hope you enjoy. Sorry there are a lot, but they all make me happy and I want this post to display my happiness.

Jeremy at our family talent show/meeting. We gave our camera to my cousin to take pictures and he got this one. Jeremy honestly can't remember doing this, but I love this picture.

Logan after he had pulled out his feeding tube. He looks like a normal baby, but not 5 months old.

My sister, Camille, who has been staying with my brother all summer caring for his kids. So Emma, who is also in the picture would always go with her and do what she said.

Me holding one of the twins. I honestly can't tell you who it is I'm holding.

Emmelie and Colton my cousins with one of the twins. I thought it was so cute how no one could get enough of the twins. Even Colton couldn't keep himself from just holding the babies hand.

My cousin Dallin. He entered the MTC the next Wednesday. He made sure to get his fill of baby before he left.

Colton holding a baby (maybe Hunter cause his eyes are wider).

Jeremy and my cousin Kennedy. They like to tease each other a lot so I told them they had to look like they loved each other.

My niece and nephew, Emma and Ethan. They could not get enough of my aunts hammock. Ethan especially would kick and scream when you made him go inside.

My cousins Colton and Kennedy with my niece Laura. They just loved playing with her and trying to get her to smile.

My cousin Dallin was so enthralled with how small the babies hands were.

Emma is cute even when she is sleeping. Her adorable dress was made by Julia's mom. She is an amazing seamstress and where Julia learned all her skills.

Since all of our family was here we kept trying to get a family picture. This was one of our attempts. I can't believe we are a family of 16 now.

My parents with my mom's mom and her 5 great grandchildren.

Ethan and Emma loved the hammock so much they were willing to be squished in with me.

I just think this picture is so cute. Emma is such a good helper to take the dirty diapers and put them away. She just didn't know where to take it.

Emma was so tired she just laid down on the bottom stair.

We went to nickelcade while everyone was here and I won big on the Deal or No Deal game. I narrowed the cases down to 2 and only had the 500pt or 1000pt cases left. So I sold them for 750pts, which was a bummer because I had the 1000pt case. But I was still excited.

My parents getting ready to play Dance Dance Revolution.

Hunter and Logan (Hunter in the blue car seat) were mesmerized watching the screen of the Dance Dance Revolution game.

Emma is constantly making funny faces. I loved looking at her and she'd make a funny face, then I'd copy it, then we would repeat. She loved this Merry-Go-Round.

Ethan on the Merry-Go-Round.

Mindy, Jay's wife, on the left and my sister Sheila on the right. They were very intent on their Guitar Hero game.

Emma wanted a ride on the motorcycle.

That night we were able to go to get ice cream and Emma really enjoyed hers, but I think more ended up on her clothes, the table, and the floor than in her mouth.

I love Ethan and Emma so much, that getting mauled on the floor is enjoyable.

Jeremy is so good with Ethan and Emma and they just love him.

He even keeps smiling while getting poked in the eye.

I was so excited by the end of the week Emma new my name and could pick me out of a crowd. She would also come to me willingly, which is big because she is pretty shy.

I was so sad to see my family leave. We hope that we will be able to see you all again soon. But it was wonderful to spend time with you while you were here.

4 Years and Still Loving Every Minute

It excites me to inform you all that yesterday was mine and Jeremy's 4^th Wedding Anniversary. It is a strange feeling to know that I have been married for 4 years now. On one side, it feels like we have been together forever. However, on the other side, it feels like yesterday that I got married. Anyways, regardless of how it feels, the important thing is that I'm still very much in love with Jeremy. To those of you who had doubts about me getting married at age 19…never fear, I'm happier now than I was when I got married.

Our Anniversary celebration this year was not very big. Due to decreased funds and the fact that Jeremy had work to do, we were forced to keep things simple. The important thing though is that Jeremy and I were able to spend time together. That morning Jeremy made me breakfast, which was delicious. After 4 years of marriage Jeremy knows exactly how I like my breakfast; extra crispy hash browns, scrambled eggs, extra crispy bacon, and orange juice. Thank you so much Jeremy, it was wonderful.

Thanks to my parents, we were also able to go see Harry Potter and The Half Blood Prince. We'd been wanting to see it since it came out, but we have reached a point where spending money really isn't an option. So thank you mom and dad for allowing us to go to the movie. It was a good movie, but now I don't want to wait for the next movie to come out.

For dinner, we were able to go to Olive Garden thanks to a gift card we received for graduation. I've been wanting to go ever since I saw the ad for their new Crostada meals. So this was the first time I've ever gone to a restaurant where I knew what I was getting before sitting there for 5 minutes looking at the menu. Anyways, it was delicious and we were seated exactly in the corner, which was ideal.
Well, after completely gorging ourselves on more food and more calories than we have had in a while we decided a walk was in order to end out the night. It was a wonderful day.

In closing, I love you Jeremy. I'm so happy that we get to share our lives together. The last 4 years have been the best of my life and I'm looking forward to forever.

Free Time

Well, I never thought I would be posting something with this title. However, I find myself in a situation where I have nothing pressing to do. That is not to say I have nothing to do. I simply have no job, no homework, no calling that requires my time outside of church, no money to go shopping with, or no real need or desire to go shopping, no children to watch, nothing pressing. All I have to do are the things I should do or want to do. For example, I should be searching for more jobs online, but today I just don't feel up to it. I should be cleaning something, but I'm so scared of finding a bug while I clean that I'm not going to. I should be eating breakfast, but nothing sounds good, so I'll make do with my glass of orange juice. (Honestly, everyone is lucky I showered today.) So instead of doing the things I should do, I'm going to do the things I want to do. I'm going to sit on my bed, watch some episodes of Monk online and movies on our tv. I'm going to work on my cross stitch because it keeps my hands busy, and I'm going to hide from the fact that at this point, my life has little or no meaning.

A long time coming

(As a stipulation to this blog post: I am not writing this to get back at, criticize, or offend anyone. If you are hurt or offended by this post, know that it was not my intention and that I am sorry. To my friends and family, I hope you know that I love you all greatly. You are very important to me and I do not know what I would do without you. This post however, will help you understand me better, and I hope you will give me that chance. I am writing this post for myself, for my own mental sanity. So please bear with me.)

I have been thinking about this topic for a very long time now; particularly, when it is best to share with others and how it is best to share with others. I have also postponed the discussion of this topic in the hope that it will no longer be a problem, but we do not feel that we can keep it to ourselves any longer. Secretly, I hoped this blog would be the outlet I needed to clear my heart, and now I am taking the leap of faith that it is. Even as I write this, I question if it is the right thing to do, but today I feel inspired so I won't back down. I may not write this the most eloquently, but at least I'm writing.

Jeremy and I are struggling with infertility.

I lead a very private life, so to many of you this is a surprise (don't feel bad, it is a surprise to most of my family as well). However, after much prayer and fasting we have felt that our struggle will be less painful in the open. I appreciate all of you who politely didn't ask us when we were planning to start our family. And to those who did, do not feel bad, I'd like to think that you asked because you think we will be great parents. We also would like to think that we will be great parents and cannot wait until the day when we have that opportunity.

So, if I have seemed like a very aloof or poor friend for the past year and a half, now you know why. I cannot describe to you the pain of even leaving the house for an act as simple as going to work, church, or school. Every child I see reminds me of the gaping whole I have in my life. Every pregnant woman I see reminds me of the joyous opportunities that are evading Jeremy and I. However, I do want to openly apologize to all my friends that felt shunned or snubbed in any way, it was not my intention, and I am deeply sorry. To all the women whose baby showers I missed I also apologize, but even the simple act of buying a gift for a baby is excruciating, and being at a baby shower is one of the toughest things I can even think to do in this moment, but that does not mean that I don't love you. To our friends and family who also struggle with infertility, you are in our thoughts and prayers, we also do not in any way mean to make light of your struggle (which may be longer than ours has been), we just feel like this is the right step for us.

I'm not really sure exactly what to share, I don't want to offend anyone, but I feel like I should share a few facts about where we are at. After trying for a year, we began to seek medical treatment. I have a strong family history of Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, so doctors believe that is what I suffer from. As with most medical treatment, they start you out with the easiest and cheapest in hopes that that will work before progressing to more invasive and expensive treatment. Currently I am taking medication that makes me incredibly sick some days, but I would gladly suffer much more than this to hold "my" infant in my arms.

I know that many of you may feel very unsure about how to deal with this information or even treat me now, and for that, I am sorry. I read a very touching and useful article today, however; that I highly encourage everyone to read. Millions of couples suffer from infertility in this life, probably some that you interact with every day and have no idea. I know that for me, if some people had read this article before interacting with me, I would not have gone home and cried for hours. In addition, the article makes the struggle of infertility so easy to understand. Honestly, I feel like my feelings were reflected perfectly in everything this article said. The article is called Infertility Etiquette, and here is the link http://www.resolve.org/site/PageServer?pagename=lrn_ffaf_ie.

This trial we are currently going through has tested our faith in ways we never imagined. Nevertheless, I testify to each of you that your Heavenly Father loves you. I testify of his great power to bless your lives. The power of the atonement is miraculous, and I yearn for the day when I can understand completely its power in my life. I testify that through our Heavenly Father we can truly find peace. No matter what you are struggling with in your life, your Heavenly Father is there for you. Take your burden to Him and He will lighten your load. I also testify of the power of service. If you are going through a time of trial, I can recommend nothing better to you than to serve someone else. Service will help you not only help you forget your own burdens, but will bring true joy and happiness to your life. (Isn't our Heavenly Father AMAZING!)

Thank you all for your love. It is the love of my family and friends that truly keeps me going when I am questioning my entire life purpose. I wish you all the greatest joys, happiness, and desires of your heart. May Heavenly Father watch over you and bless you as he sees fit.

Registered Nurse!

I know I haven't posted in a while, but life has been a little crazy the last several weeks. I was studying like crazy to take my nursing boards, which I took on June 29th. Then we picked my parents up from the airport 2 days later and headed to Blanding for the 4th of July immediately after. We just returned home yesterday and I've been busy all day applying for jobs, because I am a registered nurse!

Let me tell you about the ordeal my nursing boards were. I was scheduled to take my test in Ogden on June 29th at 8am; however, I was told that I had to be there a half an hour early. So I had to leave my parents home in Kaysville at 6:50 to ensure I got there on time. Once I got there I had to be fingerprinted and photographed. I was not allowed to have anything in my pockets besides my drivers license; all my other belongings had to be locked in a locker. I couldn't even take my chapstick, which was the biggest struggle for me (I am a chapstick-aholic).

The test is administered on a computer, but before I could begin they had to give me a whiteboard and a marker, tissues (which I had to leave on the table and could not put in my pocket), ear plugs (they couldn't even give me the plastic package the ear plugs were in, they had to put the ear plugs in my hand), and a serious talk through. They informed and showed me that I would be video and audio recorded at my computer and that if I needed to leave the test for any reason I was not allowed to stand up on my own. I must first raise my hand and the test administrator would come and excuse me. They also explained to me that I must be fingerprinted ever time I entered or left the testing room.

I surprisingly wasn't super nervous. I was just really excited for it to be done; one way or another. The ear plugs were a hidden treasure while taking the test. Ear plugs usually are quite uncomfortable for me, and I'm not saying they weren't, but what gives me anxiety while taking tests is listening to others. When I hear the clicks of others or that other people are standing up, it makes me really anxious and feel like I should be going faster. The ear plugs drowned it all out and I was so grateful! It was really nice to have something to write on as well. The weird thing is that I wasn't even allowed to erase it, they just had to bring me a new white board.

Anyways, the test wasn't easy, I had no idea how I was doing. Two and a half hours after beginning and 75 questions later, my test ended and I left. I've heard of a lot of people who began crying when they left because they didn't think they had done well. Well, I hate to break it to anyone, but I didn't cry. I was simply very relieved.

I really had no idea when I would get my results. They had me read a paper at the testing center that said I had to wait a month, but a friend told me the people at the testing center said 2 days. So I was just determined to wait patiently. Well, it turned out I didn't have to wait very long at all. The next day I decided to just see where I would look to see if I had passed. So I got on the dopl website and found that I was a registered nurse with a license number and everything. Then on Thursday, while I was in Blanding, my license arrived in the mail.

So I am now a registered nurse. I do not have a job, but I'm still a registered nurse. However, it doesn't feel real yet. I'm excited to get a job and move on with life, but it hasn't hit me yet, that life will never go back to what it was.

I just wanted to express a special thanks to all those who were thinking of me and praying for me. I truly felt of your support. I love you all!

Sincerely,

Jeanette Raisor, RN